New Relationship Energy Meeting Notes 10/21/20

  • What is it?

    • According to Wikipedia: “New relationship energy (or NRE) refers to a state of mind experienced at the beginning of sexual and romantic relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual feelings and excitement. NRE begins with the earliest attractions, may grow into full force when mutuality is established, and can fade over months or years. The term indicates contrast to those feelings aroused in an "old" or ongoing relationship.”

    • Monogamous equivalent = honeymoon phase

    • How does it make you feel?

    • Is it desirable? (positive or negative associations?)

    • Can you become addicted? (Give up on a relationship as soon as the buzz fades and move onto to new fix) <not sustainable and often unfulfilling 

    • Evolution wants you to fuck everyone

    • Cocaine frosted cupcake of emotion

  • What is ORE?

    • More Than Two’s glossary: “Old Relationship Energy (or ORE) [is] the feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship.”

  • Complications

    • Jealousy from existing partners, feelings of insecurity, competition for affection, envy, even abuse

    • Damaging other relationships, oblivious to/ ignoring the needs of others

    • distortions of perception (everything is shiny and bright and perfect)

    • NRE makes you do stupid things

    • Crash and burn once NRE wears off (the honeymoon is over)

    • Blind to red flags (“When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” ~BoJack Horseman)

    • High highs can lead to low lows, but not necessarily 

  • Compersion

    • the reflection of NRE can has a positive benefit for existing relationships

    • New or renewed sexual energy

    • NRE by proxy: your partner’s NRE wears off on you

  • Finding balance

    • Transitioning from new to old energy can be rough or stabilizing 

    • Communication 

    • Patience, knowing it is temporary 

    • Track your NRE behaviors and discuss those with all of your partners 

  • NRE “rules” to live by (let’s call them guidelines) 

    • Don’t pack any bag more than an overnight bag

    • Don’t move in

    • Don’t get married

    • Don’t engage in risky sexual behaviors (also try not to get pregnant or get someone else pregnant)

    • Don’t make promises you can’t (or won’t) keep

    • Don’t neglect established partners

    • Don’t forget self-care

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