Poly Dictionary

Poly Dictionary

 (Some definitions were taken from or paraphrased from the More Than Two website Poly Glossary)

POLYAMORY: (Literally, poly many + amor love) The state or practice of maintaining multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships simultaneously, with the full knowledge and consent of all the people involved.
ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY: Umbrella term that includes polyamory, open relationships, swinging, and all forms of non-monogamy except cheating and unethical forms of NM.
UNETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY: cheating or any kind of relationships formed without the consent or awareness of other members of the relationship configuration.
SOLO POLY: An approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightly couple-centric. People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, the freedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission from others, and flexibility in the form their relationships take. Such people generally don’t want or need relationships that look like traditional couples, and may not, for example, seek to live with a partner (or partners) or combine finances with a partner (or partners).
SWINGING: The practice of having multiple sexual partners outside of an existing romantic relationship, most often with the understanding that the focus of those relationships is primarily sexual rather than romantic or emotionally intimate.
KITCHEN TABLE POLYAMORY: A style of polyamory that emphasizes family-style connections even among people in a network who are not dating each other. So named because the people in a network can gather around the kitchen table for breakfast.
NEW RELATIONSHIP ENERGY (NRE): A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship.
OLD RELATIONSHIP ENERGY (ORE): The feeling of comfort, security, and stability often associated with a long-standing romantic relationship.
NRE JUNKIE: (usually derogatory) A term sometimes applied, often dismissively, to a person who starts many new relationships in rapid succession but does not seem to maintain relationships for very long.
METAMOUR: (Literally, meta meaning with + amor meaning love): The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.
MONOGAMISH: (term created by Dan Savage) A relationship that is not necessarily sexually fidelitous, but that differs from polyamory in that the outside sexual relationships are seen as primarily sexual rather than romantic, without necessarily having any expectation of continuity, and are viewed as enhancing the primary couple.
ONE PENIS POLICY/ OPP: An arrangement within a polyamorous relationship in which a man is allowed to have multiple female partners, each of whom is allowed to have sex with other women but forbidden to have any other male partners. Largely regarded as problematic, sexist, and transphobic for conflating that only men have penises/ only women have vaginas, that relationships with women are not as important/ threatening/ valuable, and controlling of women in the relationship.
OPEN MARRIAGE: Any marriage whose structures or arrangements permit one or both of the members involved to have outside sexual relationships, outside romantic relationships, or both.
OPEN RELATIONSHIP: Any relationship that is not sexually monogamous, that permits “outside” sexual entanglements, but potentially not loving or romantic relationships.
TRIAD: A polyamorous relationship composed of three people all in relationships with one another. Generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.
VEE: A polyamorous relationship involving three people, in which one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.
QUAD: A polyamorous relationship involving four people, each of whom may or may not be sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members. Ex: two couples dating one another.
RELATIONSHIP ANARCHY: A philosophy or practice in which people are seen as free to engage in any relationships they choose, spontaneity and freedom are desirable and necessary traits in healthy relationships, no relationship should be entered into or restricted from a sense of duty or obligation, any relationship choice is (or should be) allowable, and in which there is not necessarily a clear distinction between “partner” and “non-partner.”
PRIMARY/SECONDARY: A polyamorous relationship structure in which a person has multiple partners who are not equal to one another in terms of interconnection, emotional intensity, intertwinement in practical or financial matters, or power within the relationship. A person in a primary/secondary relationship may have one (or occasionally, more than one) primary partner and one or more additional secondary or tertiary partners.
VETO: A relationship agreement, most common in prescriptive primary/secondary relationships, which gives one person the power to end another person’s additional relationships, or in some cases to disallow some specific activity, such as some specific sexual or BDSM related activity. A veto may be absolute, in which one partner may reject another partner’s additional relationships unconditionally, or may be conditional and used more as a way to indicate a serious problem in a relationship.
CLOSED GROUP MARRIAGE: A polyfidelitous relationship in which all the members consider themselves to be married.
POLYFIDELITY: (Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members. Some polyfidelitous relationships may have a mechanism which permits adding new members to the relationship with mutual agreement and consent of the existing members; others may not permit any new members under any circumstances.
COMET/ SATELLITE: An occasional lover who passes through one’s life semi-regularly, with or without an expectation of continuity or a romantic relationship.
COMPERSION: A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of “jealousy;” a positive emotional reaction to a lover’s other relationship.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL (DADT): A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people.
ETHICAL SLUT: A person who openly chooses to have multiple simultaneous sexual relationships in an ethical and responsible way, and who openly revels in that decision.
SERIAL MONOGAMY: A relationship pattern in which a person has only one sexual or romantic partner at a time, but if they fall for someone else, they immediately end their current relationship to be with the new person, often leaving no period of time being single between relationships.
FLUID BONDING: Of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse and can relate to BDSM practices.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB): A relationship in which two (or more) people establish a friendship that includes sex or sexual activity, but without romantic love and typically without the same type or degree of expectations or other practical or emotional entanglements that typically accompany romantic relationships. AKA: Fuckbuddy
CASUAL: purely sexual or ambiguous relationship, friendship may be included but not necessary
HINGE or PIVOT: In a vee relationship, the person who has two partners.
HOT BI BABE (HBB) or Unicorn: (often derogatory, condescending, or ironic) A bisexual person, usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple. The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous, as They’re just looking for a hot bi babe. Such a person may be referred to as a “mythical hot bi babe” or “magical unicorn.”
UNICORN HUNTERS: The couples in search of a unicorn/ hot-bi-babe to join their existing relationship either purely for sexual satisfaction or to form a triad.
TRYAD: In reference to couples trying to form a triad.
THROUPLE: a triad or relationship with 3 people
COUPLE’S PRIVILEGE: The presumption that socially sanctioned pair-bond relationships involving only two people (such as marriage, long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, or other forms of conventional intimate/life partnerships) are inherently more important, “real” and valid than other types of intimate, romantic or sexual relationships.
POLYCULE/ CONSTELLATION: A romantic network, or a particular subset of relationships within a romantic network, whose members are closely connected. Also used to describe a sketch or visualization of a romantic network, as these drawings often resemble the depiction of molecules used in organic chemistry.
SWOLLY: A person who identifies as both polyamorous and also as a swinger; that is, a person who may have multiple simultaneous relationships and also enjoys recreational sex in a swinging context
POLYSATURATED: Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners, or because of time constraints that might make new relationships difficult.
POLY/MONO; also, MONO/POLY: Of or relating to a relationship between a person who self-identifies as polyamorous and a person who self-identifies as monogamous.
RELATIONSHIP ESCALATOR: the upward movement expected of couples to progress from dating, to moving in, to marriage, to children, etc. Step and goal based relationship structure. Society gauges whether a relationship is significant or not based on where they are on the escalator or where they are heading.
AMBIGUSWEETIE: A partner with whom one’s relationship is ambiguous or not clearly defined, often intentionally; as, We are not primary partners or secondary partners or simply friends, but rather ambigusweeties. Etymology: This term was coined by Chris Dunphy, from “ambiguous sweetie.”
POLYFUCKERY: (vulgar; often derogatory) A coarse term sometimes used to describe people who call themselves “polyamorous” while engaging in a large number of sexual relationships which are short-lived or not emotionally intimate; as Bob practices polyfuckery.
COWBOY or COWGIRL: A monogamous person who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous person with the intention of separating them from any other partners and bringing them into a monogamous relationship.
SPICE: The plural of spouse.
NESTING PARTNERS: partners who are living together
ANCHOR PARTNER: alternative to “primary,” but essentially meaning main partner, maybe who shares finances, children, or cohabitates, or is just super important without assigning hierarchy 
CO-PARENT: other parent to one’s child, not necessarily in any other kind of relationship with
WIBBLY: A feeling of insecurity, typically temporary or fleeting, when seeing a partner being affectionate with someone else. Wibbley: of or related to wibble, as Seeing those two together makes me feel wibbley. Contrast to compersion and frubble.
FRUBBLE: A pleasant emotion of happiness arising from seeing one’s partner with another partner. Contrast to wibble.
POLYNATING: dating a monogamous person and converting them to polyamory
UHM-FRIEND: a partnership where the relationship has to be discrete or closeted for whatever reason. (Ex: “How do you know Susan?” “Oh, uhhhh, they’re my uhm… friend.”)
DATING WITHIN YOUR SPECIES: mentality that it’s too hard to date monogamous folks when you are polyamourous, so you just date other poly folks.
COMPANION RELATIONSHIP: relationship or marriage without a sexual component but could be equally as fulfilling or important
DE-ESCALATING: going backward on the “relationship escalator” like moving out, taking a break, spending less time together, etc. but could still be in a relationship
POLYGAMY: the practice or custom of multiple marriages