Happy Polidays!

Being Poly During the Holidays

 

•Struggles unique to poly folks? 

Who do I bring to each event?

Colds get spread easily 

Scheduling issues 

Time management

Who gets presents?

•Scheduling

Divorced parents usually have multiple holiday celebrations. Each person usually brings a family (or a few families) into the equations, so there will always be events you may not be able to make. Choose the ones that are best for you and yours. 

•Coming out

Could be the best or worst time depending on your family

Be honest and forthright with your family about what's acceptable when it comes to how to treat yourself and your partners

•Introducing New Partners

Don't victim blame your partner if it's actually your family who is the problem

Give family resources to learn about polyamory if they're open to learning (and don't expect that they will be immediately, they will have many assumptions). 

•Couples Privilege

Be compassionate to secondaries and acknowledge that primary couples have privileges that feel even more pronounced during the holidays. Primary couples are often considered the only "real/ legitimate" ones and often other partners are relegated to "just friends."

Ask permission if you plan to call your partner a "friend". It may cross a boundary of theirs to be erased in such a way. They also might not care at all and agree that they are a friend and it would be too difficult or messy to state otherwise. Everyone has different feelings on this topic, but blindsiding them by telling them they have to be closeted about your relationship sucks a lot. 

•Chosen Family > Blood Family

If you host your own family event, you get to control the guess list!

You could have a holiday party of just cousins and none of the older folks who may make you uncomfortable

No family whatsoever and just friends get-togethers are also awesome

•Dealing with stress / self care

Have an escape plan/ game plan/ schedule/ agenda with yourself and your partners (example: I need to leave by 8, don't talk to X, avoid bringing up Y, etc).

Set aside a self-care day 

find a safe space wherever the event is being held (maybe the room with all the coats in it and the cat)

Communicating what experience you want 

find your safe people 

•Develop new traditions that matter to you!

(Like Wolfenoot)