What I Wish I Had Known When I Started

What I wish I had known then…

-wish I had sought out community and other poly folks earlier

- wish I had listened to my partner when they told me / showed me who they were/ what they were

- wish I had connected with and talked to other poly parents 

- wish I learned how to establish and communicate my boundaries 

-known how to navigate discretion 

- know your time is valuable so don't say yes to everything 

-know the ripple effect in the poly community 

- know to say no more often 

-the skill of processing anxiety and jealousy

-know not try to fix people 

-you don't get a huge say who is involved with who 

-advocate for yourself better 

- wish I had known that rules are bullshit 

-wish I had never dated monogamous folks

-wish I had a name for polyamory back before I knew I was

-wish I had known it wasn't a sin or wrong  

-wish I had read the books sooner 

-wish I had known I was attractive or capable of being seen as attractive to others

-Wish I had known there was no "one true way" 

-wish I had known I was important 

-wish I had known that polyamory was not shameful 

-wish I had known if you are shity about exes you are not cool 

-partners should give you autonomy

- wish I could recognize red flags and walk away from them 

-get comfortable with change/ lean into discomfort

-not to settle out of desperation 

- to be selective about who you are opening up to, but also open up more to more people

- know that jealousy and insecurity are normal 

-be open to new experiences and learning as you go 

- to not get hung up on labels

-to know my poly saturation point and not to take on any more than I can handle 

- wish I hadn't talked down relationships to primary to make them feel better

- wish I knew to ask if folks wanted advice or just if they wanted to be listened to if they came to me with a problem

-Learn to take and accept no better 

-learn to reassess relationships 

-learned that it's not a religion or cult

-learned that even though poly is not swinging, that swinging is not bad and to not shit on swingers

-learned folks are no more likely to get an STI in a poly relationship 

-learned that it's okay to be single and not date multiple people 

-learned about more configurations than just a triad 

-learned how to flirt

-don't be offended if people don't want to be your Poly Sherpa 

-learned to let folks do their own emotional labor