Poly Discussion May: Poly Families

Poly and Family 

*These were notes taken from the discussion, they may not make a lot of sense in blog format

There are different forms of poly families: mixed families, kitchen table poly, intentional communities, triads and quads (closed or open), solo poly... the list goes on.

Coming out to the kids: 

When is the best time? Little kids do not care but teenagers might. 

Why come out at all? No secrets or hiding may make life easier. 

Why not? Parents or in-laws, exes, or friends may then find out and make things harder, may lose your support system or even custody of kids. 

How? Don't be ashamed of your identity and act like you're telling them you have cancer; if you don't act ashamed they will not think that what you are doing is shameful

Introducing partners to kids: 

It doesn't have to be any different than introducing them to any other friend. To do it or not do it is a personal choice and when to do that is also a personal choice if you do that at all ever.

The dangers of coming out to other family, friends, or coworkers is you could get custody taken away, you could lose your job or not get a job you are being interviewed for, or you could potentially lose housing if more than two unrelated individuals live in the same house.

Co-parenting and cohabitation:

Benefits of more adults to help out around the house and help with childcare- more people equals more helpers! Kids with more support grow up into more well-rounded adults also kids without helicopter parents (which poly folks don't have the time to be) end up being more independent and self-reliant adults. The biggest thing to consider when cohabitation is are you compatible housemates? are you messy, organized, or live in chaos?

Getting pregnant while poly:

Could lead to some paternity awkwardness. Generally pregnancy and poly relationships is actively avoided but some people do not care and want to have more kids and also don't care who the father of the child is. Some folks do take a break while trying to get pregnant to avoid the paternity question and will take a break from dating while pregnant.

Breaking up and divorce with kids:

It is hard AF! A breakup with a person with kids is like multiple break ups at once. The best thing to remember is to be respectful, kind, and supportive through that transition as much as physically possible.

Money and property sharing:

How do you organize the bills? Is everything decided by a committee, popular vote, or do you appoint one leader of the household?

Is everyone in the family treated equally and/or fairly. some people can be treated fairly without having equal footing in the relationship. It's important that people are treated fairly and respectfully.